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| So I am moving to my grandpas house soon. Nice. I can't wait. He is never home anymore, always in Indie.. so thats cool. I love my grandpa, but I am not so sure that I could handle lectures on how I run my life. I get a bedroom and his place is really nice. I just have to keep up on the house while he is away, and I offered to buy groceries. I am also sneaking the cat in, as Mr. Crotchety kicked her out to be a barn cat. I just hope she doesnt deficate on the floor. If she does... I will say I did it.. so she can stay in. I would deficate on the floor too.. if I was in a big house with such nice places to deficate oN. He just has to see it from BB's perspective. Well, that is all. I thought you should all know. | | |
| I only had like 3 hours of sleep today. I am really pissy. I went and did everybodies laundry today and talked to a friend last night for a while. It was really nice to just be able to goof around even though it was just on the comp... I am soooooooooo tired, and I want to sleep. PORN was popping up on the computer on Pennies screen, so she suspected that someone was looking at it on the comp. And someone downloaded a bunch of shit on the computer. NICE, so I deleted everything on my screen and now I have to log in under her name to show that I am not a porn freak.. she knows, though. And I know who was looking at it. I reeally want to move to Bellevue soon, so I guess I will be doing that soon too. I was sleeping and woke up to Brian yelling at me for shit that I didn't do. I won't have to deal with that once I get my own place. I KNOW... Rachel... I know. Ya know? You are not the first person to say that to me... it's really not that bad. I know how to deal with it. And I am in the PROCESS. . . slowly. Thanks alot... love you dearly, TRULY I do. | | |
| Brian is DRUNK! How horrible... no chance for a shag now. I am laughy because, well, I guess I have to be. I know Ronnie is gonna come over here and be all loud and shit. I am going to have to consider my apartment soon, I need to start at Mickey D's and get my ass out of here. I love Brians family, But I need to get out of here before I die. I just need to find a small studio apartment just to start my life off. I want a credit card to build credit ONLY! like, buy a pack of gum and pay it off before the grace period? It'll be great. | | |
| I am frustrated ... Ok? I was supposed to spend new years at The Temple Club... FAILED!!! and Brian is at some party that I was not invited to... it's like he is ashamed of me... when I found out that I couldn't go to the club, He said that he wanted to spend the New Year with me. I am sad now...  So what am I gonna do? I guess he will be back before midnight to kiss me... but thats NOT the point! Why doesn't he want me to party with him? WHY? I feel ugly... I feel like I need to back off of him more, so I have been doing my own thing. Now I just want to be with him. I feel like I am losing him slowly. I didn't bitch, though. I just think it is pretty funny that when he knows he is ABOUT to do something wrong, he apologizes, like it makes it ok for him to do what he is about to do. When I called him, I asked him who was all there... he was like... "uhh, Shane, Ronnie, uhhh... A bunch of cool people..." Then you hear a girl ask who the Fuck he was talking to.." He was like, "Sasha" She was like... WALKER!? I was like, "well, I have to go.." He was like, "WHY?" I was like, "I am going to sleep." I don't want him to see me cry anymore. But I want to. I just want to lay my head on my pillow and CRY myself to sleep. Am I being immature? I think I handled the situation pretty well. I can't keep feeling like this. I can't. | | |
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Oh gentle winds 'neath moonlit skies,
Do not you hear my heartfelt cries?
Below the branches, here about,
Do not you sense my fear and doubt?
Side glistening rivers, sparkling streams,
Do not you hear my woeful screams?
Upon the meadows, touched with dew,
Do not you see my hearts a'skew?
Beneath the thousand twinkling stars,
Do not you feel my jagged scars?
Seek not my mournful heart kind breeze,
For you'll not find it 'mongst these trees.
It's scattered 'cross the moonlit skies,
Accompanied by heartfelt sighs.
It's drifting o're the gentle rain,
A symbol of my silent pain.
It's buried 'neath the meadow fair,
Conjoined with all the sorrow there.
It's lost among the stars this night,
Too far to ease my quiet fright.
No gentle winds, seek not my heart,
For simply ... it has torn apart.
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